Recently, I overheard a conversation where my partner’s friend—a serious, no-nonsense German girl—remarked that she hadn’t expected him to date someone like me because I am “just so… sunshiny.”
Naturally, I was taken aback by this comment. My immediate response was to feel offended. I thought to myself, “I am not just sunshiny. I am a strong, intelligent, feminist woman who deserves to be taken seriously.” I channeled my frustration into a workout at the gym, wearing my all-pink matching set and lifting weights to work out my anger.
However, later that night, as I sat down to journal my feelings, I started to dig deeper into why I was so upset by a single word. What about being described as “sunshiny”? That felt like such an insult to me. Then, a lesson from a classmate about empathy came to mind. At our best, we practice empathy by putting ourselves in others’ shoes and considering their lives and circumstances. After a lot of fuming, sore muscles, and three pages of handwritten thoughts, I realized the root of my anger: internalized misogyny.
In our culture, “femininity” is often, albeit subtly, equated with “weakness.” Women are conditioned to downplay aspects of their femininity to fit into male-dominated careers. As a result, we are led to believe that our traditionally feminine qualities are liabilities, prompting us to suppress these parts of ourselves to achieve our professional goals.
In her book The Will to Change, bell hooks addresses this issue directly, showing men how to express their emotions and reminding them that these feelings are an essential part of who they are—regardless of age, marital status, ethnicity, or sexual orientation.
hooks argues that instead of accepting the violence, anger, and misogyny often depicted in music genres like Gangster Rap, society should encourage men to reconnect with their emotionally open sides. We need more media, commercials, and TV shows that portray men as responsible, competent, and caring—depictions that can help prevent what she describes as a “Masculinity Crisis.
Femininity is not a weakness. Too often, strength is associated exclusively with masculinity, but I believe true strength lies in resilience and vulnerability. These qualities are neither inherently masculine nor feminine; they are human and tough to embody.
I find great strength in my feminine traits. They are some of the qualities I admire most about myself. I’ve come to take pride in my “sunshiny” nature. I urge both women and men to embrace their feminine sides. Your femininity is a source of strength. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.
Raven Love lives in Valdosta.
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