As the people of Buffalo and Uvalde lay their loved ones to rest after the latest mass shootings, I can’t help but notice how disturbingly familiar and, dare I say, “normal” these tragedies have become. It feels like just another day in America.

The initial shock seems to fade more quickly each time. Politicians and pundits retreat to their respective sides, pointing fingers and blaming each other for the lack of action. And then we all resume our daily routines—until the next time.

I’ve heard that insanity is defined as repeating the same behavior while expecting a different outcome. This certainly seems to fit that description.

Like so much else in this country, even mass murder has become a politically divisive issue, leading to the predictable outcome of nothing changing.

Republicans believe that arming teachers, turning schools into fortified zones, and addressing the mental health needs of potential perpetrators will solve the problem. Democrats argue that implementing background checks, restricting access to firearms, and treating gun violence as a public health issue will stop the killings.

And so, the cycle continues endlessly.

But why is it that boys and men primarily commit these horrific acts of violence? Why does no one seem willing to address this aspect of the problem? Is it too uncomfortable to discuss how our patriarchal system contributes to many of the social issues that boys and men face?

Most people are not familiar with what patriarchy means, even though we are assigned patriarchal gender roles as children and continually guided on how to fulfill them.

The late best-selling feminist author bell hooks defined patriarchy as “a political-social system that insists that males are inherently dominating, superior to everything and everyone deemed weak, especially females, and endowed with the right to dominate and rule over the weak, and to maintain that dominance through various forms of psychological terrorism and violence.”

Patriarchy infiltrates nearly every aspect of our culture—whether in our religious institutions, entertainment industry, educational systems, political systems, family structures or even in how we relate to one another.

Not only are most of us unaware of what patriarchy means, but we also remain oblivious to the harm it causes. Under patriarchy, boys are taught to suppress their pain and deny their feelings, except for the emotion of anger. I wonder if there is a connection between this emotional suppression and the toxic behaviors that men often exhibit, which can harm themselves and those they love.

This issue is too complex for a single, simple solution. However, attempting to address it without acknowledging the “elephant in the room”—the pervasive influence of patriarchy—is futile. We may not be able to eliminate the consequences of the patriarchal system in our lifetime, but continuing to ignore its impact on our culture and our children is not only irrational but also irresponsible.